Serenity now

My friends are such a comfort to me. I love all of them. I have left them scattered all over the country and although I would love to gather them into one place and live in utopia, I'm afraid I could never balance my attention to them and I would lose them en mass. Thus as I move from place to place and try to keep track of all my old friends, new friends in closer proximity begin to fill their places. I hate this, but I can't change it. I need closeness. There are maybe a dozen relationships that I can keep over cell phones and computers. I'm hoping that with this move, I will be able to stretch that to include some five or six more.

I watched a movie with friends tonight. We sat, we watched, we went home. Hardly interacted. I could watch it by myself at home, but having a friend within inches makes a good movie great. I'm getting sentimental before I leave, but if I weren't so claustrophobic I would have suggested that we all puppy-pile on the couch while we watched. OK, not ALL of us. Some I like more than others. I just want to grab onto them and not let go. The way I grab Taj by the trunk and squeeze until she barks or blows snot on my foot. At the same time though, it's best that I leave now. Taj is old and may die soon, my friends will move away or get married, and I will be left behind. Again.

This wasn't meant to be as depressing as it came out. All I meant to say was that my friends are great. I'm sorry I have to leave them, but I have to think about my future. I only hope that they will be forgiving when I don't always keep up my end of correspondence, and that they don't give up on me. And if they want to move to Utah, too... so much the better.